David Phelps official online community

I bet he will

Here's a prayer that I pray every day!!!!!!!!

"So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper. Haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish. I'm really glad of that.

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed; and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help."

Mark+

Used that at Easter last year and it was one of my best.

How about this one!!!

Two men were marooned on an Island. One man pased back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The first man said to the second man, "arn't you afraid we are about to die." "No," said the second man, "for you see I make $100,000 per week and I tithe faithfully to my church ever week. My Pastor will find me."

Mark+

Do you go to church?

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.

There once was a rich man who was near death.
He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.
The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.
Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.
St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.
Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"

Good One!!

Used that three years ago but it always brings a smile to a believers face.

Mark+

Here's one and you might even call it Earthy!! :oops: :roll:
Silvers

God was sitting in heaven one day when a scientist said to Him, "God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing -- in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning."

"Oh, is that so? Tell Me..." replies God.

"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's very interesting...show Me."

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man. "No, no, no..." interrupts God, "Get your own dirt."

I.m on the last part of the bulletin for this week. Anyone have a good joke I can use this week? I still have a couple of hours!!

Mark+

Since we haven't heard from Olegoat & the squirrels are out of the question, & Fr. Mark "thinks" he is Superman & the Silvers think this thread is going to the dogs, we'll just book "UNDERDOG"!!!! Let's hear it, Fr. Mark.... "HERE I AM TO SAVE THE DAY!".

I don't have any worries if I lose my cell phone!!!!!

Mark+