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Sharyn,

I used yours this week!! Thanks.

To everyone keep them coming as I am going to keep using these as they are great!! When I use yours I'll let you now.

Mark+

Yep...saw another one the other day....."Be a organ donor...Give your heart to Jesus"

Silver

Silver, along those lines.

7 DAYS with no church makes one WEAK.

oldie - CH_ _ CH
what's missing?
U R !

CHURCH SIGNS

"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."
"Free trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins' "
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
"Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily."
"How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Nonsmoking?"
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
"Jesus Is Coming"...Don't miss him for the world.

One day the pastor receives a knock on his office door. In walks one of the richest and one of the two worst men in that part of the state. The other bad apple was his brother. The man tells the pastor that his older brother has died and wants the pastor to preach his funeral and request that he say lots of nice things. The dead man had been a lawyer like his brother and had took money from orphans and widows, stole land and property. The pastor told the man he would have to refuse that neither one of them had darkened the doors of the church in the 20 years he had been there. The lawyer removed a thick envelope from his jacket and handed it to the pastor, and said, " the church wants to build that new sunday school building and social hall, I hear it is going to run $500,000.00, that should cover it, the funeral is at 2:00pm tomorrow. My only request is that you work in the eulogy that my brother was a saint and you can have the money. The pastor wanted the church to get the money, he prayed and waited on God's answer.

At the service the pastor read a few scriptures, then told the group that had gathered that the dead man was the a crook and a thief and had done many dishonest things and that he was not sure that this man would enter the gates of heaven, BUT next to his brother sitting in the front pew, THIS MAN WAS A SAINT. The brother fainted.

Thought these were cute.
Silver Hair Fans


Preaching
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"


Where is God
Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor's desk and they just look at each other.

Finally, the Pastor says, "Where is God?"

The boy just sits there and doesn't answer.

The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, "Where is God?"

The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn't answer.

The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy's refusal to converse and practically shouts "Where is God?"

To the pastor's surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office.

The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother's room. He shuts the door and pants, "We're in BIG TROUBLE. God's missing and they think we did it!"

Kyle,

I particularly like that one and can indeed identify with it!!!! Actually, I did use that one in the bulletin last year and my daughter, who is 10, said that it was funny and asked me if it that happens to me. I said yes and her expression changed and thought that it wasn't very nice.

Thanks for the laugh!

Mark+

Three little boys were playing in a big mud puddle after a rain one thursday. When the conversation turned to whose dad had the most money. One little boy stated that his dad was the richest because he owned a car lot and he could drive any vehicle on the lot whenever he wanted. The second little boy stated that his dad was richer because he was president of the BIG BANK and he could any money he wanted that was in that bank. The third little boy was the local pastors son and he kept playing in the mud. Then without raising his head he said that his father had to be the richest man alive because his dad OWNED HELL. THe other little boys let that sink in for a moment and then the bankers son said, how do you know your dad owns hell? Well the pastor's son said, he heard his father tell his mother the DEACONS gave it to him last night at their meeting.

Hahahahaha!!!!!! Fr. Mark, we just love ya!!!! Thanks for brightening OUR day!!!!


Love and Light,

Lauri